It's a fact that life is full of conflict in one form or another, in our relationships, in our jobs, as parents and in everyday life. It's rare for a week or even a day to go by without us being provoked into action by a seemingly unfair provocation, when you have to stand up and say, 'hear me, (please)'. Sometimes it's simply easier to ignore problems, I've got a whole book of them, things that really aren't worth the fight, things that may annoy you but just aren't worth expending any more emotional energy on. Sometimes our problems are easily sorted out with a, 'sorry' or, 'I'll try', then there are those other problems where you have to stick your feet firmly in the ground, lift your head up and make your voice heard, and then of course you've got the arguments, the unresolved
tension, open conflict in the air, the ones perhaps with no resolution and hurt feelings all around.
Anger is a normal emotional response that we experience in response to perceived provocation. When we feel threatened we feel angry and we experience a strong emotional and physical response; we feel foggy, our thoughts are assimilated by emotion, our heart rate and blood pressure increase, we feel sharper as our bodies and senses surge with adrenaline and our bodies enter fight or flight mode. We want to scream or cry or both, we are scared, confused, upset, sad and yes ANGRY.
Anger as an emotional response to threat isn't a problem, but the way in which we handle it can be.When we handle anger ineffectively it can cause harm to both ourselves and other people. Unresolved long term anger, according to the NHS is linked to high blood pressure, anxiety, depression and is even linked to problems with digestion and the common cold. (NHS.UK/conditions).
Each of us responds to our feelings of anger in different ways. When we are faced with a problem we often react by instinct. For some of us, me included our instinct is to crawl away and hide under a nice big bush and wait for it all to sort itself out, which of course never happens. We file our anger away, ignoring it, perhaps allowing it to simmer away slowly, heating to explosion. Others allow their instinct to interfere with their rationality and so react immediately and blow, leading to actions that they may regret, including violence. Their anger deafens them to feedback and solutions. The masters of conflict approach problems with thought out care, they have developed the ability to defuse their anger and manage it more constructively, they neither ignore nor flare up but they lay somewhere in between. They are motivated by a sense of wrong being done yet retain calmness, and so are able to calmly stand up and insist their voice is heard. They have learnt to calm their physiological and emotional responses and learnt how to accept their anger, and in accepting it they find strength.
By managing our emotional responses, and learning to manage our anger and conflict in constructive ways, neither hidden nor exploding, but strong and calm,we are able to develop more constructive ways of dealing with anger and conflict. Through achieving calmness we retain our rationality and not only are we able to stand up and make our voices heard, but we are also able to hear the voices around us.
Our emotional response can be a trigger point for self evaluation, perhaps we find some truth in the 'slight' against us that prompts us to effect change. In addition when we feel anger we are driven to promote what we feel is right, to campaign for change. Despite how bad anger makes us feel it can actually be good for us, in dealing with anger and conflict effectively we address the source of our problems, and in releasing our anger we release the negative energy that is pent up inside us, it can cleanse us and leave us strong.
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