7 Confessions From Women Who Go Back to Abusers

Domestic Violence Awareness Month

Leaving an abusive relationship is never easy. We know that up to 75% of deaths related to domestic violence happen as a victim attempts to leave or after a victim has left an abuser. It is difficult not only for victims to leave; it is also difficult for them to admit to why they stay. Too often, people are highly judgmental of the choices victims of DV/IPV make and that judgment silences victims. The best support we can provide to people who are in abusive relationships is to be respectful of their autonomy, respect their choices, and offer whatever levels of support and assistance we can.
We should understand that finances and children are two of the biggest reasons women, especially, remain in abusive relationships. Women are concerned with how they can manage their finances once they separate from their abusers, who are often the breadwinners. This financial control is used as an abusive tactic that forces victims to stay. Without money, women worry about how they will feed and house their children, and many feel trapped in abusive relationships because they put their children first. They also worry about custody battles and threats from abusers about how they will harm their children if the women leave. The fear and shame that many women experience, but never share, traps so many in a cage-- where are the outlets?
The Whisper App hopes to help victims voice their fears, insecurities, and honest confessions.
From the application site:

Whisper is the best place to express yourself online. Connect with likeminded individuals, and discover the unseen world around you. With Whisper, you’re free to anonymously share your thoughts with the world, and build lasting, meaningful relationships in a community built around trust and honesty. 

Perhaps having the opportunity to simply express themselves honestly is the first step toward freedom from abuse. Maybe connecting with like-minded people, albeit anonymously, is a way for victims to find community, solidarity, and resources that can help facilitate leaving abusive relationships—or staying. If they choose to stay, maybe having a judgment-free zone to vent frustrations, fears, and anxiety can help victims make it from one day to the next.
These comments are real. These are the honest confessions of women who are victims of domestic violence and survivors. Whether or not you agree with them, you have to accept that people make choices for themselves and navigate life (and love) in the best ways they can with whatever tools and resources they have available.
Check out the Whisper App or recommend it to someone you think might need a safe space to vent.

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