I have a friend who once had a fight with a long term boyfriend, during which in an angry exchange she told him his special private parts were unusually small. They didn’t break up on the spot, but I’m willing to bet money that was the day their relationship actually ended. Those are words you can’t take back.
I recently did an intro session with a couple. It was an unusual situation right off the bat because he was the one anxious to start couples coaching work and most of the time that plan is driven by the woman not the man. Their issue was very serious to him though. Apparently where they once had a rockin’ sex life, now there was none, as in zero action in the bedroom. It took about five minutes to figure out why. A few weeks ago in a careless moment of frustration he’d referred to her as chubby. Now this woman had no desire to be naked in front of him or anywhere near him. He’d apologized and figured that was that, but it wasn’t. Chubby is a word you can’t take back.
Now reading this you might think this husband was extra insensitive, and he was in that moment. However, you’d be surprised how many times people who love each other are careless with the words they use with one another. We get tired. We get short. We get frustrated and say things we don’t mean, or mean in the moment, but won’t the next day. Words are extremely powerful and used without care can be very harmful to the people we love and the love itself.
I don’t think there wiggle room here. I don’t think you can have a healthy relationship where insults fly. Relations between two people who love each other have to be loving, because no matter how much you love someone, if you are unkind that love will change, and not for the better. Words used as weapons create wounds you can’t see that are hard to heal. True love isn’t loving part of the time, or even most of the time. Real love is loving all of the time.
With love~
Lisa Hayes
The Love Whisperer
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